A Mommy and Her Son

Dear (Secret Name) Babykins,

Daddy and I have found a name for you! We are keeping your name a secret from others - but not a secret from you, since we use it when we talk to you at home. Mommy is a LITTLE worried she might let your name slip in public...but so far, so good!

In the mean time, your dad has started a countdown of "non-baby-names." You and I both know, he only has (hopefully) 90 names left to go. If you actually arrive on your due date (Thanksgiving Day 2011), he has a 100 non-baby names left to run through! Please, baby, please, we do not want to have to go through more than 100 + non-names!

I have to apologize to you baby, for putting you through too much stress these last couple of weeks. You see, your Grandma Mary suffered a heart and respiratory attack. The outlook was grim. Your Daddy would pepper your Grandma's forehead with kisses, not knowing if she could tell, but hoping she could.

Your Grandma and Daddy are very close - he is her firstborn baby boy - just as you will be my firstborn baby boy. My heart absolutely broke to see your Daddy having to cope with his mama hooked up to nine-million tubes and a ventilator. As he sat with her, he remembered happy memories with his Mommy. Daddy and Grandma used to live not far from the hospital - in fact we could see the ancient Victorian house from one of the hospital windows. From your Grandma's hospital room, your Daddy could see the park she used to take him to play. Although your Daddy was so very sad, these memories consoled him, and made him realize how excited he was to share happy memories with you.

After nearly three weeks, and countless prayers, your Grandma has made miraculous strides in recovery. She is now in rehabilitation at the hospital your Daddy was born; which makes the place a little happier. When Mary was in the ICU at Tacoma General, we would occasionally hear "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" chime over the PA system. We asked one of the nurses what the chime was for, and she told us they play the song every time a baby is born! Just like the old adage from "It's a Wonderful Life," when a bell rings an angel gets its wings (you will watch this movie countless times, since Mommy is a huge fan of Christmas!). The baby chime was a bright spot during this stressful time.

Even in her first hazy hours of waking up from her sedation, Mary said she always knew who her firstborn son was and she could never forget her special boy. Grandma is so excited to meet you and wants to get better so she can hold you once you get here. All you have to know little baby, is your Grandma loves your Daddy very, very much and she loves you too. You will be the firstborn son of her firstborn son - a special position indeed.

Playtime with Daddy

Babykins!

Daddy was able to feel your three little kicks last night for the first time! I have been able to feel you moving around for the last week and a half, and was trying to explain to your Dad the crazy "bubble" feeling of your little movements.

Daddy and I were cuddling on the couch, and he had his hand on my belly - and I felt a little kick and moved your Dad's hand to feel, and then you kicked three times! Your Dad's eye lit up and he couldn't contain his smile!

We love you so much and I am so happy you decided to share playtime with Daddy.

Well-rounded and well...rounded

My sweet little babykins boy,

We have a few more months together with you growing happily inside my belly, and these months will include continued growth for me as well.

In the first 5 months of our journey, I have been rounded out in several ways:

Physically: my belly has certainly become a round bump, and complete strangers have started inquiring about you already! Luckily so far, I have only had to buy maternity pants, and have been able to stretch cute "normal" tops over the bump!

Mentally: I have started thinking of all the first lessons I want to teach you, and what you are going to teach me. I have a new filter of the world; I am cataloging fabulous ideas, lessons and insights. I also have a growing list of what I hope you learn to avoid, such as "one-upping" others or having false humility.

Spiritually: God and I have been having little talks about you. I used to pray for smaller, daily items. With you in mind, I'm praying with a much large scope now.

Emotionally: for the most part, I am in control of my emotions, and pride myself on being able to be level-headed when facing emotional situations. I have been reveling and giving into complete abandon, tearing up or laughing at the silliest things, and not caring what others think of me.

Thank you little man for making my life fuller and more well rounded.

Baby Carlson is....

....officially a little pill! I hope baby's behaivor on Thursday isn't a harbinger of baby's personality!

I was so excited to find out what our little bug was, I slept even less than usual (thank you baby for sitting directly on my bladder every night:).

Paul and I showed up to the doctors' office, anticipating the moment we would find out baby's gender.

But....baby was cuddled up in the very furthest corner possible, to the point where the ultrasound tech had to push the wand around to get the baby to move...no luck. The ultrasound tech then put me at a steep incline (head down), which caused my back to arch in a weird position and blood to rush to my head - super uncomfy, and baby STILL wouldn't move! We saw snapshots of baby's arms, baby's hands, baby's legs (which were all curled up and protecting baby's little secret). We even saw baby yawn (clearly we were interrupting nap or sleepy time, pardon us, your adoring, loving parents who would just like to know how to better prepare for baby's arrival!).

After much prodding, poking and multiple, multiple, multiple clicks and images of our undercover agent baby, the tech asked "You want to know the gender of your baby?" Paul was literally on the edge of his seat beside the table (which had been raised a bit so I could see the screen)....

So in the end, baby did cooperate and was forced to share; we will be having a little baby BOY joining our family this autumn!

We now must search for the perfect name! In the mean time (as we are so cool) we are calling baby Optimus Paul:)

Dreaming a little dream of baby

Little Babykins,

I have been ready for you all my life - literally! While pouring over baby development charts and figures, I have learned I was born with all the genetic material I needed to help make half of your sweet little self.

Throughout the last few decades, God has been preparing me in other ways for
your arrival:

From what your grandma tells me, when I was a one year old, I would approach two and three year old children in strollers, pat him or her gently and happily say "Baby!" Even as a baby myself, my heart knew I wanted a baby!

As a three year old, I would play "house" with the other children in the neighborhood, and I was always the mom in our imaginary world. Maybe this was due to my perfect blend of bossy and nurturing characteristics. You should worry a little bit baby, since I do enjoy well behaved, disciplined children...you will just have to trust your parents' structure and rules will be for your own good.

When I was a four year old, and holding your Auntie Laura, in my over-joyed-baby-excitement I asked your grandma when she was having another baby, to which she replied "You are going to have to wait to have your own baby." I remember this conversation very well. Memory will be one of my super-mommy powers. I remember everything; almost literally everything since I have been four years old. You will not be able to get very much past me!

As a ten year old girl, I sat and rocked a family friend's baby to sleep while I watched the other kids run around the yard; and I was perfectly content. This isn't to say I didn't play for hours with kids my own age, but even then I found something wonderful about a sleepy baby snuggling against my shoulder.

When I was a 12 year old, awkward, gangly and dealing with my changing body, your grandma told me "The exciting part of all of this, is you can have a baby, of course many, many years from now." I had no idea you would indeed be so very far away from that moment, but everything happens for a reason.

As a 15 year old, my dear friend Michelle and I taught ourselves how to sew. Our first project? Baby clothes of course! While this may not be a conventional way for teenagers to spend their time, we loved the idea of future little ones wearing our handcrafted items. I still have a few of those clothes which I will lovingly put on your little body.

Since this time, I have learned more about myself, others and life in general. I met your daddy, and he too had a dream of one day having a baby, and as you will learn later in life, not many men admit they want children - one of the many reasons your daddy was a "keeper." We have talked about you conceptually many times throughout the years, and we are so excited you will be joining our family. We have banked years and years of love for you already, and I know this will multiply exponentially when you arrive.

Baby Carlson is worth a thousand words!

To some extent, suspension of disbelief is bound to occur when one finds out she is pregnant.

Until today, I could not “medically” prove Paul and I were going to have a baby – and a series of incidents lead me to think I might indeed be mistaken.

I had a suspicion I might be pregnant with a few non-glitzy tall-tell signs, so I took a pregnancy test, and then a second (just in case the first was hyper-sensitive). After the second test, I was fairly sure, so I went to the store to find an endearing baby card to break the news to Paul when he got home.

After his initial excitement, he asked “Are you sure?” It was April 1st to be fair, and I did have one more pregnancy test in the kit, so I had to take another test for Paul’s sake. We had a third set of two pink lines.

But doubt lingered. I had just watched the episode in Glee in which the crazy wife character had a hysterical pregnancy, otherwise known as a false pregnancy with all the signs and symptoms of the real thing. Apparently, I would be in good company, since Queen Mary I had two instances of hysterical pregnancy.

So on to the doctor’s office. Just to make sure, and to also begin any pre-natal regime (and oops, I had NOT been taking pre-natal vitamins before I got pregnant, who knew?). I was sent down to the lab for a blood draw (painful/awful) and two bruises later, I scheduled my follow up appointment for the next week.

Small problem though; the lab sent my blood sample to Eastern Washington…so I had to go in for yet another blood draw, and had to wait yet another week.

My official appointment finally arrived, I was going to have medical proof I was pregnant! I weighed in (yikes, “baby weight” came quickly for me), and went in for my exam. The doctor went over the chart and as we went through the blood test results I saw a huge “O +” scrawled across the chart. Not wanting to be a pushy patient, I said I was pretty sure I was A+ blood type. The doctor looked at me and said “Your blood type doesn’t change.” Which were my thoughts exactly, since I was an A+ blood type all growing up. So I had to call my mom (yes, I am a 30 year old woman and I still call my mom for oh-so-many-things) to double check. She confirmed our whole family was A+. So…..another blood draw was scheduled, along with an ultrasound.

Guess what? There IS a little baby Carlson on his or her way, and I have pictures to prove it now! Our due date is Nov 24th. With a little luck, baby Carlson might also be able to mend the family trend I broke thirty years ago. My great-grandma, grandma and mom were all born in December. I was due in December, but edged into January by 3 days. So maybe our little one will edge into December…but who knows, I probably won’t care at that point and just want to have the baby arrive!

Skin - my love/hate relationship

Loathsome, hateful blemishes.

I refuse to call a facial blemish anything else, as the alternative names make me feel a bit queasy and very unladylike. During Southern Belle Training 101, my Grandmother Charlene (she insisted on the title Grandmother, as Grandma was too pedestrian for her), taught me a few life lessons when I was four years old.

As I sat on the sofa (NOT a couch), with my ankles crossed (NOT my knees) and learned to knit (so Grandmother could impress her sewing circle with how advanced her granddaughter was), I distinctly remember her telling me about adolescence and facing such issues as "blemishes." I think she wanted to start this conversation early with me, since she had suffered severely as a teenage girl.

Which brings me to the topic of skin. I can really only think of two points recommending skin:

1. We need skin to regulate/protect other organs, muscles and bones.
2. Skin's healing process is fascinating; the way it knits itself together after an injury.

The bad and the ugly of skin;

1. Blemishes. Obviously!
2. Aging, thin, veiny skin - one can SEE blue-ish veins underneath my translucent exterior.
3. The inordinate amount of money needed to maintain said aging skin; body wash which doesn't irritate the skin, lotion to keep it from drying out, specific facial wash, toner, treatment and moisturizer to keep that temperamental face glowing.
4. Skin color still leads to assumptions and prejudices.
5. A day at the beach means lathering on sunscreen, theoretically every 30 minutes!
6. When I stress out(often) my body exacts it's revenge through my skin.

At the end of the day, I just really, really hate blemishes.

Hoarders!

After watching a few episodes of Hoarders (the production team is based out of Seattle, yikes!) I have become a little paranoid I might be a little itty bitty bit of a hoarder. So to combat this, I am going through a major house-purging overhaul.

What lead to this; my official self analyzation of some of my habits or tendencies.

A few traits I share with hoarders;
- I love to go thrift shopping!
- I reuse cardboard boxes (I at least stack them neatly in our storage unit).
- If I see a deal for future use (within 3 months) I will purchase the item.
- I purchase clothing (usually at Goodwill or Value Village) for my niece sometimes a year in advance (mostly because I find her age group's clothing section slim,
as I am guessing there was a minor "baby surge" in 2007).
- I buy books when I find a good deal (as I enjoy the smell of books vs. a
a plastic iPad).

Paul being the logical fellow he is, reminded me the show's definition of hoarding includes collection items which are useless, invaluable and even dangerous (to one's health).

I at least have my books in a bookcase and (most) everything in its place!

Our "First" Valentine's Day (as a married couple)

At times, it seems as if Paul and I have been together for a lifetime. We have our own couples' language (including "blipping" as a verb for "driving") and we read each others' mind - which is quite convenient, as my brain is usually mush by the time I get home.

After all these years, the best part of my day, and the part I look forward to the most, is seeing Paul. Sharing special days with him never gets old either. I love my sweet husband and forever valentine.

Life; Version 30

As I sit and think about what I could possibly write to encapsulate what my 20's meant to me, or what I foresee for my 30's - I cannot. Or more appropriately I will not at this moment. As far back as I can remember, I have been a grade A, over-achieving worrier. Worried about what to do, or what not to do, and projecting what I will regret with either decision. As I have meandered through my adult life, I have picked up experiences and habits along the way. Only recently have I been able to internalize "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27. Who knows how many hours (or perhaps years) I have worried away! My mom was right (naturally); the older one becomes, the less one over-thinks the small things in life. I am excited for a peaceful and exciting 3rd decade!