Once around the Sun with my Son

My sweet Atticus -

Happy First Birthday my love!

Words fail to convey the depth of my love for you. This last year has changed me in every possible way.

Its funny...as you get older, years wonderfully blend together. The years are of course dotted with events, trips, milestones, sad, happy, quiet and ecstatic moments. When you reminisce, the details can get fuzzy. Sometimes I am forced to look up a current event, or a song which played at the time of my memory to get an exact month or year.

Your first year, however, was so very different - it was a defining year for us both. Every moment was lived. This was beautiful, exhausting and simply amazing.

I love you. Your daddy loves you. You love us. I love our little family of three. Even if you were not my son, I would still want to know you as a person. God blessed us beyond measure - happy first anniversary of your birth!

Thankfullest of Thankful

God has blessed me beyond words - loving and loyal family and friends, a cozy home, and a life full of little and large adventures.

And these two - my heart is thankful.

Perfect 10 (8 and 9 Months)

My darling baby boy - you are absolutely perfect - even when you are not being perfect (like your crazy-pajama-cry-wrestle-fest each night:) Mommy is a little behind on your updates, so to catch up, a few highlights from your 8th month:

- You are one super-duper expressive baby! You have a facial expression for just about every single thing you do. That little heart-shaped tongue of yours makes apperances all the time. At 8 months you figured out your coordination for crawling...well sorta. You perfected the army crawl. You use your little foot as a rudder and pull yourself forward with your arms - one of the most endearing baby crawls I have ever seen.

- You love spending time with your daddy, and it looks as if you have many things in common, incluing your love for the Olympics! You sat on daddy's lap and danced along with the closing ceremony music.

- Every month has stunned me - you continue to change at such a rapid rate. I thoroughly enjoyed your 9th month! You are such a delight - your ready smile and laugh fill our lives with such joy. You are a mover and a shaker, taking any chance you can to dance, jump and sing along to any song. You are also a very social little guy, you learned to wave, and not just any wave, but double wave! In the begining of your wave learning, you seemed to be confused as to who was moving your hands:) You would wave with each hand, then stare at each little finger waving. You would then stop waving with one hand and slowly grab one of the waving hands and giggle as you continued to watch the crazy waving hand!

- Your first time at the Puyallup Fair, riding around in your Little Red Radio Flyer:)

- Your 10th month has increased our joy 10 fold - how can you continue to fill our days with such love and wonder? You often get so excited that you squeal with such delight you almost lose your breath! You wave your arms and legs around with complete glee when you see daddy or I come into a room. Daddy and I are always smiling and laughing at your antics. You also have this crazy Chewbacca (nerd reference, daddy will fill you in later) sound you love to make, gurgling happily along! You have continued to demonstrate a very social attitude - you smile and wave at nearly everyone. Oh, and the cuddling - this makes my day that you are such a sweet little cuddle bug!

- First trip to the pumpkin patch with our little pumpkin

- Topping off your 10th month with the fun of dressing up as Captain America! Since we call you baby A, we thought this would be the perfect outfit for you - just as you are the perfect baby for us!

Beyond Small Talk

My sweet Atticus,

With the close of the Summer Olympics this month, and the pending presidential election on the horizon, I continue to focus on the “what ifs."

What if we were able to be as amicable with all nations as we are during the Olympics?

What if we genuinely celebrated and accepted differences between races and religions?

What if we rewarded excellence in life (in volunteering, at the work place etc)?

What if we were able to be gracious in defeat, and cheer others in their success?

What if we were able to have logical and reasonable political goals and dialog, with (gasp) less emotionally manipulative messages?

As a nation, we have a few hurtles to turn the what ifs into the why nots.

You are fortunate enough to live in a county in which you are allowed to speak your mind and hold your own beliefs – however, it is a complicated minefield of ideas, emotions and actions and inaction.

People nervously joke about avoiding the big three “volatile” topics of Religion, Race and Politics. Why? Because people become “heated.” Brilliantly somebody (the media?) laid the foundation of misinformation, fear and anger when speaking about one’s beliefs. But why shouldn’t we talk about these things?

“All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke.

Many will argue that evil is subjective, but my point is: we need to have fair (as fair as can possibly be) and honest dialog about our beliefs, and hopefully subsequent actions. Ignoring these topics allows for injustice and mismanagement of national resources and goals.

Let’s tackle the sticky subject of Religion first (I know what you might be thinking – How could I possibly cover such a complex topic in a blog post?). Religion is simultaneously emotional, logical, physical and experienced-based. Many have experienced religion to be exclusionary and hateful. Many injustices have been enacted in the name or religion.

Here are a few tenants I find to be true and just:

1 .LOVE God/Jesus, and LOVE others – simple and beautiful and difficult.

2. Judge myself, and NOT others – I have enough of my own issues to deal with.

3. Tithe to a Church which helps the poor and disadvantaged – I wish the government didn’t have to, more about that later.

4. Attend an organized Church, with a pastor who asks me to be introspective – look at my motivations, my actions and how I use my time.

5. Pray – whether it “works” or not – God is not Santa Claus, doleing out exactly what we want, when we want it. I loath the statement “If God is so loving, why would he let “X” happen.” Life is difficult, often times tragic, but we have the tools to cope and heal. What about all the beauty and blessings? Let’s recognize and relish these when they occur.

Something I find amazing in our country; people have more loyalty, mercy and compassion with their Internet/cable/smart phone provider than they do with religion or God.

A number of times I have screamed out in frustration at the “slow” Internet speeds at our house (and I was even around during the “dial up” days. Ok, so your mom is a dinosaur in your mind nowJ. I feel the anxiety swell to the surface and curse a certain social media outlet when photos don’t upload as fast as they should. When at work, I “cannot” accomplish anything without Outlook, or Salesforce, or other work applications. But I stick with it. I need these things to function. I calm down, hit refresh, or restart the computer.

But God and Religion? The "refresh" button is broken for many.

Many people "give up" on religion if they had a bad experience with a religious person - but when we experience awful customer care at Verizon, we still stick with it. Most people blame organized religion for imperfections, or God for allowing things to happen, but we stick with crappy companies who makes us pay for spotty reception, frozen pages and dropped calls - all because we need it to survive, to communicate. Hmmmm.

Now, the topic or Race...well baby, that sun-kissed skin of yours? Your daddy lent you his DNA to create your golden tone. My Euroblend (your daddy refers to this as "Euromut," hmph) background lightened you up a bit.

Skin color is a funny thing...it is the "outward" package we come in. Your grandparents taught me to accept everyone, and to be colorblind. To be honest, I never even think of your dad's skin color until someone else asks "What is your husband's background?" One particularly dumb (ok, that isn't too loving or accepting...but wait for it) coworker asked "How often does your husband go to the tanning booths to get that color?" Wow.

I have great hope for the future in this country as far as race is concerned - as there seems to be a general acceptance among people my own age. But you will have to be careful of inherited anger in many groups. During my travels I have often been the minority and experienced a small snippet of harassment and "other."

It just so happens I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods and schools. You want to know why? The U.S. Census for 2012 reports white individuals makes up 72.4% of the country. So to the angry groups of people who feel white people are catered to, or "over-represented"; get over it. I have not received any special scholarships or promotions based on my whiteness - and the fact it, in 2011 (your year) more non-white babies were born in the U.S. than white babies. So the country's demographic is changing.


So where does that leave you? Are you a non-white baby? I guess you can choose whatever you want. As you make your way in the world, I ask you to never use your skin color or origins to perpetrate hate or unfair actions toward others, or accept unfair action against you. Again, one of those multi layered, not-so-easy things to deal with in life. I suppose we will have to cover that one with LOVE and grace, right?! Good boy!

Politics - ok, this is an area in which love and grace can be suspended:) I truly believe in order to see change occur, one must stay plugged into the local government. Always remember, we elect and pay their salary, so they work for us. Make sure your voice is heard, and contact your representative as many times as you feel necessary on issues you feel passionate.

Federal government is another issue. I am currently not impressed with our federal government, nor am I impressed with the weak, whiny and pathetic "national" conversations occurring as I write this entry. I am not an economist, a psychologist, a sociologist or a military leader, however, I am a U.S. citizen and I find it deplorable the amount of money being wasted on campaigns and advertisements full of old-fashioned "smoke and mirrors" tactics. Embarrassing. I will continue reaching out to my local representatives, and believe I will be represented accurately.

I am thankful to live in our great country, in which I can talk about my political views, so why on earth would I not exercise this right? Why would I sit quietly and let government officials make decisions which affect my life? Because I want to ostensibly be polite, and not rock the boat?

Lack of communication leads to abuses of our governments resources. I currently seethe about mismanagement as I hear of a friend's sister-in-law receiving aid from the government for food - for a family of four she was given 3 gallons (GALLONS) of milk and 8 dozen (DOZEN) eggs and three jars of peanut butter for a weeks worth of food? Really? Who is going to reform these programs? Probably not the current people running these programs...it is just a guess! This is certainly a "what if" which needs to be changed with my actions, as well as others' actions.

It is ok to share my beliefs and opinions. As long as I research the topic and convey my thoughts in a level-headed manner, I feel this is a win. Patience is key. Even if I disagree with someone else, even if I am passionate - I strive to listen (not half-listen and have a response ready to go). Of course I am not perfect (shocker, I know, you think your mom is perfect in every way, until I put you in your crib at night:), but I have to stay the course, and believe political dialog should be a part of your life. It isn't a hobby, or a "type of person" (like an athlete or musician) or something you should care about every 2 to 4 years. If you are not involved in the political process, you give up the right to demand or criticize the current condition or outcome of our country. Stay involved!

Well, I will descend from my (bad-for-you-good-for-me) soapbox for now.

Love you baby A!

7th Heaven

Dear sweet Atticus -

There is something so beautiful and magical about you baby. You have an ever-present smile (minus the turn-on-a-dime-crankies!). The cutest thing in the world is seeing you sitting in the yard with daddy, just a little man hanging out with his dad! You recognize me form yards away and smile gleefully. As I get closer, however, you break out in the crankies until I pick you up. Manipulative? Absolutely. Do I fall for it? Every single time. How could I possibly resist squeezing and hugging you?!

Your seventh month has really been a defining month for both you, and for us. First of all, you experienced your first 4th of July! We took you to your first parade (and in your true, observant fashion, you watched the crazy floats and performances, all the while spinning your hands and feet, more about that later!).

Later that day as we walked around the house looking at the fireworks in the neighborhood, you looked at the explosion of color outside our living room window and exclaimed "Ooooh," with such pure baby awe. You melted my heart. This is one of the lovely little moments I have filed away for eternity.

As each month passes, we are blessed and excited to see how your take in your world, how you interact with others, and wonder at your propensities and interest. You are so very patient and methodical as you explore textures and objects around you. You love to run your hand over our smooth leather couch, or run your finger tips over the rough textured plaster walls. You also have an interesting habit you have had since a very young age: you twirl your hands and feet almost all the time. Sometimes it looks as if you are playing an air piano (concert pianist?) or other times it looks as if you are kneading dough (chef?).Where ever your interests or inclinations lead you, your mom and dad will always love, support and believe in you.

Saturday mornings are the absolute best - I love spending this precious time with you! Thank you, my love, for the sweet smiles and happiest little soul.

Love,
Your mommy

(1,2,3) Oh, 4,5,6 C'mon and Get Your (baby) Kicks

My sweet boy,

You turned 6 months old on Saturday! I am sure you will hear this refrain all your life, however, it literally seems as if it was yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time.

Here are a few of your milestones from the last few months:

- You have been chatting since 6 weeks old, but by three months you firmly established two of your most important baby words:

- "Ah-gee" means you are happy about something (which happens oh-so-delightfully-often)
- "Ah-boo" means you are upset about something (or more appropriately upset AT someone)

- At four months you could very easily roll over from your tummy to your back! Ok, so you had a little help from gravity, but we still clap like crazy at your accomplishments! You also started laughing out loud when people danced silly dances, or made silly faces! The best belly laughs come when tickling your tummy! You just can't help laughing, and putting your hands into your mouth at the same time! You discovered the joy of your johnny jump up, which made your parents joyous, as we could run around and finish housework as you happily bounced (pretty sure this is where the term "bouncing baby boy" originated:)

- At five months you discovered your feet, and boy do you find them fascinating! You also learned to use them as a second set of "hands" when you dropped a toy. You work your hands and feet in conjunction to get that toy in its rightful place; your sweet baby mouth! You started what we call the "baby scientist game," in which you conduct baby experiments to see how the world works. Your favorite by far is tipping an object over, again, and again, and again; proving your penchant for gravity once more! You have amazing dexterity for a little one, and infinite patience as you hold items and explore your environment.

Now you are 6 months old! What wonders and accomplishments will occur at your half-year mark?

You are the perfect blend of gentle and loving, while also being adventurous and brave. A perfect example: you had your six month check up today and had to have those meanie shots. You cried for only a few seconds, then cuddled into my arms and were smiling your big, lovely full-face smile almost immediately. You were all wiggles and happiness once we got outside into the sunshine. You are such an outdoor boy...I am sure you are going to have your poor mama worried like crazy when you head off to wilderness adventures in the future! But, for now you are my wiggly little baby boy, waving your arms and kicking your legs when you encounter a cool breeze.

A few stats from your 6 month check up: you are most likely going to be a tall kid! You are in the 80th percentile for height (27 and 1/4" tall!), while remaining lean at 15lbs 13oz (they call this the 25th percentile, but I am guessing the chubbo babies are throwing this chart off a little:).

Your daddy and I always talked about you bouncing around on a little cloud in heaven, waiting for the perfect time to come down and be apart of our family. Thank you, my son, for making the last six months one of the most amazing six months of our lives. Love, love, love, love, love you Atticus!

Hmmm, I HAD a thought (and once a brain)

Recently a dear friend mentioned the fact that parents are always talking in "four part conversations." You start telling a story and baby spits up. You resume the story and baby drops his toy. You fumble around for the toy, as well your jumbled thoughts and mentally flail around trying to remember the timeline of your story. Your friend, who is also on high alert while her little one drags every single one of his worldly possessions onto the living room carpet to admire, has to think for a minute too. She HAS been paying attention, but the multitasking function needs a minute to kick in. You resume the conversation, with inevitable breaks on the horizon.

I also have a four part conversation with myself and my life activities. Working out? Yep, I did just bust out 10 sit ups and have to stop since Atticus is crying. I love my baby dearly, and I hate when he cries. And I also hate that he cries. Stopping my workout to crinkle his toy to make him smile is so worth the interruption.

So I abandon my "workout" for the time being and justify that I am participating in "life exercises" and start lugging Atticus around with me (buff arms here we come, carrying around a live 15lb weight! Although, my dominant right arm is getting much stronger, as I tend to carry him on my right hip. Dang. I thought spot reduction wasn't possible). I try squeezing in pushups on the kitchen counter in between washing dishes, or performing squats while I am drying my hair. Dedicated time for anything just doesn’t exist anymore.

The funny part about my mommy-sleep-dep-lobotomy, is my silence filler while I am trying to collect my thoughts. I literally say “la, la, la, la" or "I had a thought...." Thank goodness no one (at least criticize-y and out loud) has said anything.

My First Mommy's Day

My sweet boy,

Your daddy and I were (somewhat) jokingly saying every day is baby's day, so it is nice mommies and daddies at least get one recognized day out of the year!

My first mommy's day was absolutely perfect.

Your daddy knows how much I cherish love notes and cards. I relished the moment of opening the cards he hand picked and reading and re-reading the sweet sentiments he thoughtfully crafted.

Daddy's message to mommy read:

My Lil P,

Your heart is so full of love, thoughtfulness, tender patience, sweet kindness and everlasting, wonderful, genuine love. You are the strongest, sweetest, prettiest, smartest and bestest mommy there ever was or ever will be. I will love you - my lil bride - forever and ever and ever. Your Lovebug

Isn't your daddy amazing? Of course he is, and he has produced an amazing son!

This is what you wrote to mommy:

I wiggle with joy when I see you. I feel safe and loved when we cuddle. My heart is happy because it's filled with love from my mommy. Love, Atticus *

* P.S. - I can't write yet, so I whispered to daddy and he did the letters for me.

** P.P.S - Sorry for the 3am crankies. I am a baby:)

And daddy traced your hand as well. Perfect.

My lovely boy and me.

Daddy crinkling paper - Atticus loves this!

Beautiful and thoughtful gifts from my boys.

Lovely cards for my first mother's day.

The sweetest little hand tracing from the sweetest little baby boy!

Smile, though your heart is aching...

Your dad was singing this song to you in jest while you were screaming your little lungs out, but these lyrics have been going around and around in my mind ever since;

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

I have really been struggling with my return to work. As a parent (crazy I get to say this), and as a mommy (and not just anyone’s mommy, but YOUR mommy), I live with a new level of understanding of how far I can push myself. Although I am beyond tired at 3a.m. when you are leisurely eating for 45 minutes to an hour, I can’t help but relish our special time together. I love lightly stroking your sweet chubby cheeks. I love how you drape your little arm over your face and move your hand back and forth in your sleepy state, sometimes grabbing your hair and opening and closing your hand around your wispy baby locks. You fuss only a little when you are hungry, and the minute I go over to your bassinet you give me your beautiful full face smile! When you are finished eating, you swiftly drift off to sleep when I put you back in your bassinet ~ such a good baby!

As I walk out to the car to head to work, dressed in my work attire (high heels again!), I am usually emotionally stable at this point. I know daddy is watching you, and you are still having your morning snooze.

I think about you on my drive to work. I think about you in my morning meetings. I think about you when I am talking to clients. I think of you when I take “mommy breaks" to pump milk for you.

Then afternoon strikes! I get so emotional thinking about you awake at home, smiley and cuddley, and I have to try to hold my emotions at bay. In my mind I wonder if I can make it to the bathroom to cry it out, and then go back to my desk undetected. Well-meaning coworkers ask me how I am feeling and I wish I could rush home that moment, squeeze you and kiss you forever.

I want you to know I love you with all my heart and being. I wish I could stay at home with you. Just know I love you every single second of the day and happily soak up our time together when I arrive home.

This isn't only my struggle, I know millions of parents feel the same way about their little babies. I am so very thankful I have the evenings and weekends with you and your dad. I know some other mommies do not have this luxury, and have to work two or more jobs to make ends meet.

Your dad and I are going to make mistakes as parents, however, I want you to know we are committed to taking the very best care of you, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially.

I love you my sweet baby boy, and feel so blessed God entrusted me to take care of you!

A few milestones

Dear Atticus,

My sweet baby boy, you amaze me every day! I WILL fill out the vintage baby book I found for you, but for now, I have to write down your milestones before I forget!

~ You started smiling by week 3! (at the hospital, the nurse said you were socially smiling, while I would of course love to believe her, as you are my baby, I think smiling at week 3 is amazing enough for your mama!).

~ You started actively cooing by week 4! I am not exactly sure what you are saying, but you are definitely saying the same "words." You have also helped daddy and I out with a little bit of your own baby sign language. Whenever you want us to change your diaper, you put your arms straight up. Good baby!

~ You found your hands by week 7! You cram those (now dimpled) hands into your mouth voraciously, as if they are going to give you some sort of nutrition!

~ I think you have started teething by week 10! You have huge amounts of spittle (I find this cuter than calling it slobber, so unbecoming!) and want to gnaw on your daddy's finger for relief.

Daddy is so great at addressing your needs, and is constantly learning about your progress. He discovered babies watch their parents mouth to learn how to speak. We talk directly to you, and for the most part use our "normal" voices. We do have a few "baby talk" terms we use, of course we use normal voices when we say these:

~ Diapie Diaps
~ Milkie Milks
~ Sockie Socks
~ Jammie Jams

We will apologize later when other kids make fun of you at school:)

You have the sweetest little spirit, and are good natured enough to let mommy work on her thematic holiday picture series. We have fun, for the most part!

You only really cry during tummy time, when you are hungry and when you have the tiniest centimeter of poo (oh sorry, in the US, we use our own measuring system, so .39 inches of poo). Other than these needs, you love to talk with others and cuddle (daddy and I were hoping you would be a little cuddle bug!).

As you well know, baby time is vortex time, so I will get around to your 2 Month pictures and update, and eventually your birth story (before I forgot those details!). As a mommy I have learned to let go of my need to have everything "just so," and I wouldn't want it any other way! Time with you is the most precious part of my day!

Love you,
Mommy

My Little Love is 6 Weeks Old

Dear sweet Atticus,

Daddy and I cannot believe you are 6 weeks old already! You can be a crazy little man, and much of our entertainment comes from watching you and your funny and sweet antics. A few of our favorite things to watch:

1. You lift your arms in the air as if you are Superman. Sometimes your little arms will be floating in the air for 10 minutes or more.

2. You have this unbelievably adorable full-face smile ~ and we can see your little heart shaped tongue!

3. Your endless, endless facial expressions; one of our favorites is your single eyebrow raise.

4. Your especially long pooping sessions, accompanied with the loudest bum bubbles we have ever heard (people can hear the sound from other rooms in the house!).

5. The way you form your mouth into a little fishie shape when you eat.

6. Your sparkly, and kind eyes (as daddy calls them) surrounded by your lovely dark eyelashes. Those eyes melt our hearts baby boy!

At your 6 week check up, your stats are: 9lbs 13oz, 23inches and your head is 15inches (your head grew!). The doctor said you were a very alert baby with well-groomed hair (of course you have coiffed hair ~ you are my baby after all). I told the doctor we had switched to cloth diapers, and he said babies wearing cloth diapers potty train earlier! We can only hope.

You also received your first round of immunizations. This made you a little cranky, but the nurse said you recovered quickly from your crying session. Once again proving you are a tough little man. I am so very proud of you!

Love you 6 weeks times infinity my precious son.

How quickly a month flies in baby time!

The last five weeks have been the craziest and loveliest of my life. When Paul and I are gazing at our sweet baby boy, we feel as if Atticus has been with us all our lives. In a way, he has ~ we have talked about our theoretical baby for so many years. He used to be a sweet dream, and now we can hold, kiss and cuddle our little man.

We have also dealt with some very real moments of living with the "Period of Purple Crying." The hospital made us watch a video about this before we returned home. The "Purple" is an acronym and includes the following elements of crying: Peak of Crying, Unexpected, Resists soothing, Pain like face, Long lasting and Evening. Poor Atticus has also been a little congested, which I know cannot be fun for our little man. After feeding, changing his diaper and burping (which Paul calls Atticus' "levers"), we are sometimes at a loss as to why he is crying, and we just have to remind ourselves about the Period of Purple Crying.

After particularly difficult days with long periods of crying, we feel relieved when Atticus finally drifts off to sleep. We tip-toe around the house, or stay as still as possible if either one of us is holding him so as not to disturb his slumber.

For the most part, Atticus is a pretty laid back baby. He loves to socialize and wants to spend hours looking eye to eye and cooing and talking. I cannot even begin to explain the complete joy I feel when he gives me one of his endearing, full face smiles! He is such an expressive little gent too, with bright eyes and constant baby thoughts and observations. Each day we learn a little bit more about our sweet boy ~ what an amazing journey so far!